Louis de Cristophe Premier Avril Edition - luxury car wax (107% carnauba content) - the world's most expensive car wax
Louis de Cristophe was an Albanian count who invented the modern corded machine polisher in 1927, to remove blemishes from the coachwork of his Bugatti Royale. This 'rotary coachwork renovator' was sold nationally from 1928-1935 under the 'Lou-de-Cris' brand, with at least 56 examples manufactured and just three surviving today.
In tribute to the great-grandfather of modern detailing, Dodo Juice have introduced a very special wax to celebrate Louis's birth on 1st April 1888. The Premier Avril Edition contains five litres of luxury car wax, with a T1 white carnauba dry volume percentage of 107% (53.5% by wet volume).
White carnauba isn't the only ingredient, of course. As befits the world's most expensive car wax, the LdC Premier Avril Edition contains the following rare and covetable ingredients:
Crushed Hope diamond. Micronised diamond dust from the Hope diamond mine, Sperrgebiet, Namibia. 80% of the cost of this ingredient is attributed to the patented micronisation process that results in a particle size of less than 4 microns, allowing the dust to be captured within the wax layer without causing scratching to the paintwork beneath. At 11HH hardness, diamond dust is the ultimate form of protection, resisting contamination and providing an inpenetrable layer that can even resist vandal damage, like a key scratch. (3.3%)
White Elephant milk. With the white elephant under existential threat, elephant milk can only be sourced from animals within the captive breeding programme. This is milk from the male elephant, which is carefully collected during the brief fertility season. First discovered to have anti-ageing properties in the 1950s, male elephant milk adds gloss and elasticity to substrates. Whether an old dear's wrinkly skin or the finest paintwork known to mankind. (11.4%)
25ct gold. Even more precious than 24ct gold, 25ct gold has undergone significant electrolysis and de-oxygenation to purify it beyond normal levels. As well as costing 39x more per ounce than normal 24ct gold, 25ct gold is too pliable for regular applications and can be moulded using the pressure of your fingertips. This makes it perfect for use in a car wax, where its softness helps it to blend with other ingredients. (1.9%)
Flamingo tears. The Andean Flamingo, Phoenicoparrus Andinus, is one of the rarest flamingos in the world - and one of the few birds to be born without eyelids. Molecular biologists searching for a new drug stumbled upon a rare enzyme only found in the ocular secretions of this flamingo. This enzyme repels organic contaminants, keeping the flamingo's eyeballs free from dirt - and just two percent in a car care coating can repel 87% of the contamination a daily driven car may come across. Our recipe contains just over 4%! (4.2%)
The carrier for these ingredients is a legendary Champagne, Bollinger Vieilles Vignes Francaises 2005, one of just three bottles in existence. In 2005, in between the death of Pope John Paul and the ordination of Pope Benedict, three bottles of Champagne delivered to the Vatican were blessed by the acting pontiff. One was used at the ordination, one was accidentally drunk by the pope's bodyguard at his brother's wedding, and the third disappeared... until it turned up on ebay. It and was snapped up by an opportunistic buyer. After purchasing it from Christies at auction for a six figure sum, we use it in this recipe as a mild solvent (22.1%).
T-rex femur (crushed). One of the oldest ingredients on earth, let alone within this wax, T-rex bones are sought after by collectors, paleontologists and geneticists intent on recreating past lifeforms using their DNA (the animal's DNA, not the geneticist's... although sometimes a bit of both). There is little benefit to a car care product from this ingredient, but we love Jurassic Park, and all genuine dinosaur bones are extremely rare and expensive, so we put some in. Micronisation prevents the bone matter scratching paint. (0.9%)
Powdered blood emerald. Blood diamonds have a gruesome history associated with them. So do blood emeralds... centuries ago, intrepid explorers would try mining emeralds deep in the hills, and sometimes fall in molten lava whilst digging them out. The fossilised remains of these individuals would be fused together with these captured emeralds. We micronise these blood emeralds so they cannot pose a threat to even the softest paintwork. (1.5%)
Yellowjacket bee semen. Sometimes erroneously referred to as a 'wasp', the Yellowjacket Bee accounts for only 2% of the annoying flying insects population. And its semen is rarer still. We carefully extract it from male Yellowjackets painlessly using female Yellowjackets as stimulation. This secretion adds a little depth to the final wax finish. (0.4%)
Pearls extracted from the Balinese Bearded Clam. Only a few travellers to Bali will have been lucky enough to experience the beauty of a bearded clam in all its glory, and fewer more will have been able to find the treasured pearl that lies within. Once again, we micronise all ingredients to less than four microns to prevent a marring risk to paintwork, but we find that these pearls do help add 'pearlescence' to the finish. Unsurprisingly. (0.5%)
4-Methylaminorex is the final ingredient, made famous by the documentary film 'Limitless' about the effects of a drug that allows users to engage 100% of their brain. The car care effects are debatable but the manufacturer of the drug claims that it enhances the molecular chemistry of anything organic - and that would include our car wax. So in order to maximise its performance, we added some. (0.4%).
Only one five litre jar of LdC Premier Avril Edition has been - and will ever be - produced. The eventual owner will be presented with a golden waxologist's spoon and a certificate signed by the founders of Dodo Juice and Chris de Christophe, a living ancestor of Louis de Cristophe himself. Due to the rare nature of the ingredients, the jar is (sadly) not refillable.
Price includes UK taxes. Excludes delivery.